All the Difference 008

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

Tyler was driving us to the next audition site. I didn't have my license. Thankfully, this audition was on a Saturday, because it was even further away from campus. We were making this an all day event. It seemed to be taking forever though.

"Fine, then I get to control the radio from now on," I said, and switched the mode to CD. Tyler just sighed as Michael Bublé started playing.

"I will never understand your diverse music choices," he said. "Why not Josh Groban or Celtic Thunder today?"

"They're next," I assured. "But I'm gearing up for the new Michael CD. It comes out in three weeks."

"How could I have forgotten?" he joked. "You've been blabbering about it for months."

"I don't blabber!" I said, insulted.

"Do too," he said. I stuck out my tongue at him and we laughed. We got almost all the way through the Michael CD before we got to the hotel. We were an hour early.

"Let's eat," I said. "I'm starving."

"That's because you didn't eat breakfast," Tyler countered, pulling into a Subway.

"You read my mind!" I said, hopping out of the car while he locked it. "I love Subway."

"I know," he said. "So do I."

We decided on six inch subs because we didn't want to be overly full while we performed. Then we figured it was cheaper to get one footlong sub and share it. Luckily, he likes the same kinds of subs I do. Italian BMT. Mmmmmm…

I offered to pay for my half of the sub, but he wouldn't take it. Why was he such a stubborn gentleman? Then again, I already owed him twenty bucks because we made it past the first round. I didn't push it.

We sat around in the lobby of the hotel while we waited for our turn to audition. All I could say was there had better be a piano for me to play. Tyler had the CD in his pocket. We were doing "A Little Fall of Rain" first so we could take off the costumes that we had on over our clothes and we wouldn't be burning up during the other song.

Finally it was our turn. Tyler handed the CD to the man with the clipboard (this guy was everywhere!) and we made our way to the stage. I made sure my hat was snug and my coat closed.

"What will you be singing first?" asked Mr. Jonas… the father, I mean.

"'A Little Fall of Rain' from Les Misérables," I said. "It's the one on the CD."

"Start whenever you're ready," he said. I nodded, then pulled Tyler a little aside and held his hands. We prayed and he gave me a quick hug. We took our places.

The music started and I rushed to Tyler's arms as he sang.

"Good God, what are you doing?
'Ponine, have you no fear?
Have you seen my beloved?
Why have you come back here?"

I walked away from him a few steps, unable to look into his eyes. I sang.

"Took the letter like you said
I met her father at the door
He said he would give it." I winced and grabbed my stomach.
"Don't think I can stand anymore."

I fell back and thankfully, Tyler caught me like he was supposed to. I crumbled into his arms.

"Eponine, what's wrong?" He pulled the hat from my head, letting my hair fall loose.
"I feel there's something wet upon your hair." He unbuttoned my coat and my shirt was covered in bright red paint to represent blood.
"Eponine, you're hurt. You need some help
Oh, God, it's everywhere!"

As the track transitioned to the Broadway version, I reached a hand to Tyler's jaw, looking into his eyes. It was really hard to sing lying down. Thankfully, it was a low song.

"Don't you fret, Mssr. Marius
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now
You're here
That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow."

I let my eyes drift closed and Tyler shook me awake.

"But you will live, 'Ponine
Dear God above
If I could close your wounds with words of love."

"Just hold me now and let it be
Shelter me. Comfort me" He began to stroke my hair out of my face.

"You would live a hundred years
If I could show you how
I won't desert you now"

"The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's passed
And you will keep me safe" I began to really cry. This was one of my favorite songs. We were really getting into it. Like this was my last chance to say goodbye.
"And you will keep be close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last!

"The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed
The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far."

We both sang the chorus overtop of each other, but I concentrated on my part, almost shutting out Tyler's voice completely.

"Don't you fret, Mssr. Marius
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now." I gasped and flinched in pain and Tyler held me closer to him.

"I'm here," he sang quietly.

"That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain… will make the flowers…" I trailed off as he repeated me. My eyes drifted closed and a few tears slid down my face as I made all the muscles in my body go slack. I kept my breathing to a minimum. I had to look dead.

"Grow…" Tyler finished and he pulled my face up. He'd never done this in practice. I guess he was just as caught up in the moment as I was.

It took all the control I had not to flinch when I felt his lips on mine.

He'd kissed me!

It's hard to play dead when you've never felt so alive in your life.

As the music faded away, he sat there, rocking me back and forth. As soon as there was silence, I opened my eyes and Tyler lifted me up.

I was in a bit of a daze and I wiped at my eyes frantically as I realized the Jonases were applauding.

"Great job," Tyler whispered in my ear as he went to get a stool to sit on for our last song. I shrugged out of my coat and bloody shirt, laying them on the floor behind the piano. It wasn't a grand, so we should be able to sing over it. We didn't have microphones again. I waited and made sure Tyler was ready before I began playing. As Tyler started singing, all the muscles in my body loosened up and my fingers didn't lock up as I feared they would.

"I'm stuck with writing songs just to forget
What they really were about
And these words are bringing me
So deeply in debt
That I don't think I can dig my way out

"I couldn't breathe you in
Like I need to
And the words don't mean a thing"

I came in on a harmony that was actually lower than Tyler's part. I found that amusing.

"So I'll sing this song to you for the last time
And my heart is torn in two
Thinking of days spent without you" I faded out as Tyler finished the chorus.
"And there is nothing left to prove

"I'm counting all the things I could have done to make you see
That I wanted us to be
What I go to sleep and dream of" I had harmony higher than his on this next line.
"I want you to know that I'd die for you!" I faded out.
"I'd die for you

"I couldn't breathe you in
Like I need to
And the words don't mean a thing"

I had the same harmony as before.

"So I'll sing this song to you for the last time
And my heart is torn in two
Thinking of days spent without you" I faded out again, preparing for the bridge.
"And there is nothing left to prove."

On the bridge, I kept a lower harmony as Tyler sang melody.

"And if you are alone, make sure you're not lonely
'Cos if you are, I blame myself
For never being home
I know I'm not the only one
Who will treat you like they should
Like you deserve…" Tyler sang by himself.

"I'm stuck with writing songs just to forget…"

Now my harmony was higher than the melody.

"So I'll sing this song to you for the last time" I kept singing an echo: "the last time"
"And my heart is torn in two
Thinking of days spent without you" I faded out again.
"And there is nothing left to prove

"There is nothing"

I echoed "There is nothing"

Tyler sang his last line as I hit the last chord on the piano, holding down the sustain pedal.

"There is nothing left to prove…."

There was a small applause as I joined Tyler in front of the "judges".

"We'll judge Tyler first, if that's all right," Kevin senior said. I nodded and gave Tyler a swift hug before leaving into the hallway.

As I waited for my turn to be judged, my mind swirled around one little moment. When Tyler had kissed me.

Why had he done that? Why was I so worked up over it? It was a tiny little kiss. No big deal… Except that it was my first kiss. Even now, just thinking about it, my toes were tingling. I allowed a smile to creep up on my face. Tyler came out and smiled at me.

"Your turn," he announced and held the door open for me. I walked back to the front of the stage. Kevin senior spoke first, as usual.

"Excellent mixture of songs," he said. "It really showed your diversity. The amount of emotion that you put into both of the songs was astonishing. I don't think either of you made a single mistake and you had everything memorized from blocking to the piano music in the second song. On the business side of things, you did excellent. Yes." I turned my eyes to Kevin.

"I am actually very surprised that you picked a song from Les Misérables," he said. "That is a very difficult show. You did wonderful. I can't imagine having to sing while lying down. You did a great job with keeping your tone clear and your pitches were spot on, even when you were crying. Your talent astounds me. Yes." My smile was growing as I went down the line. Joe's turn.

"Wow," he said. "I am almost speechless. You guys are amazing. The chemistry you guys had in the first song especially was very evident. I don't know if you could have pulled that off with someone else, and I'm thinking that's why you went for it. You're gutsy, but you don't break any rules. You're creative with the costumes and blocking. You are like, a genius. Yes." Nick's turn.

He looked right into my eyes and held my gaze. I don't think I could have talked right then, even if I tried. He was speechless as well, so he merely nodded and Frankie took that as his cue.

"You rock!" he shouted, standing on his chair and throwing a fist in the air. This caused me to break my gaze with Nick and everyone laughed. "Yes!"

Kevin senior handed me the form for the next round.

"Remember, only solo work from here on out," he said. "We'll see you next week."

"Thank you!" I said and ran towards the door. I stopped up short, then turned back to grab my costume before leaving. Joe and Kevin chuckled at me as I left. Nick was still staring.

I immediately ran to Tyler and jumped into his arms. He saw the form in my hand and swung me around happily.

"Oh that was amazing!" he said as he set me back down. I jumped into the air.

"I made Nick speechless!" I said. "He couldn't say anything. He just stared at me. It was so cool!" Tyler got a funny expression on his face and I didn't know what it meant. I had never seen him look like that before. "What?"

"Nothing," he said and it was gone. "You did amazing in there."

"So did you," I said. "It felt so good being up on that stage singing with you."

"Same here," he said. We packed up our costumes into a bag and brought it out to the car. We decided to stay and walk around for a while before going back into the car for a long trip. There was a little park near the hotel and we went over there. We sat by a fountain and talked about the competition. Since we were further south than campus, it was relatively warm and the fountain was turned on.

I splashed a little water on him. He smirked and got an evil glint in his eye.

"Oh, no you don-"

Too late.

He'd pushed me into the fountain. At least it was warm water. But I was sitting on lots of coins. Tyler was laughing at me. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him in. Well, I tried to. I'm not that strong. I had to get my whole body weight into it to even move him. If he had been resisting at all, I would have done nothing. But he let me pull him into the water on top of me. We chased each other around the fountain and the park, laughing like idiots.

I leapt onto his back in an attempt to bring him to the ground. I failed. It turned into a piggy back ride instead. We had to wait until our clothes dried a little before we got back in the car, so Tyler carried me on his back around the park. Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked quietly. He slowed his walk and stopped. I couldn't see his face. He let go of my knees and I slid to the ground. I walked in front of him and looked into his eyes. He looked confused.

"I don't know," he said. "I guess I just got caught up in the moment." He looked at the ground. For some reason, his reply made me sad.

"Oh," I said and looked down as well. "I guess I just thought that… maybe you…"

"Oh, no," he said. "No, I don't… not like that anyways…" He was stammering. He never stammered. "I mean, you're my best friend."

"Yeah," I said quietly. "It would be weird."

"Exactly," he said. I walked toward the car. I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. I didn't know why. It's not like I wanted him to like me like that. Did I?

When he started the car, my CD continued from where it was stopped.

"You don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cos you don't know-"

I hit the eject button and put the CD away roughly, leaning my head against the window. Why did that hurt? The radio was in on it too.

"You don't know what you do
Every time you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life
To cross this li-"

I hit power and we rode the rest of the way in silence. I saw Tyler look at me concerned, so I pretended to fall asleep on the door to avoid conversation. I honestly did not want to talk about it because I had no idea what my problem was.

Why wasn't there an "off" switch for feelings?